Samurai Woman: The Wife-Mother Named Samantha

Men and women can be many things. But whether male or female, perhaps the highest callings of either are that of Spouse and Parent. Warriors may win battles or wars, but Spouses win the absolute surrender of hearts. Queens may change governments and cultures, but Parents change the entire course of the future when they commit themselves to their children. Servants serve God and others, but Spouses must live in service to one another at a nearly mystical level if their marriages are to survive and thrive. Saints give us a window to faith for the masses, but Mothers and Fathers root faith into entire generations. As a result, no Framing Story would be complete for Peri without highlighting the sacred of roles of Wife and Mother as a critical component to what it means to be a "Woman of Both Hands".

This photograph is of my wife, Samantha (she's trying to demonstrate a couple of Tai Chi moves she learned from a friend while posing in front of the temple gates at the Shaolin Monastery in China). Many simply know her as "Sami". She is the most incredible woman i have ever met, and, even after nearly 15 years of marriage, I can honestly say that i live in awe of her. She is strong but sensitive, fierce but tender, funny but serious, smart but whimsical, a pillar of faith and faithfulness and yet still "in motion" and ever in-process, and possessing a commitment to her family that is only rivaled by her commitment to her Lord and Savior. In short, she is all things that i could have hoped for in a wife and mother for my children. Peri already sees her as a central figure in her world, and while the women in the other posts are amazing, Sami is certainly the most accessible to Peri in terms of how their qualities all look day to day in the life of a real woman. It is my privilege to call this amazing woman my wife, and a joy to present her to my daughter as both symbol and tutor for what a young woman should aspire to be on the way to becoming a Samurai and a "Woman of Both Hands".

Samurai Woman: The Queen Named Esther

In the Bible, in the book of Esther, we read about a young woman of uncommon beauty called to an uncommon task of saving her people. Unlike Tomoe Gozen, Esther was no warrior (at least not in the conventional sense of the word), and unlike Mary, she was neither lowly nor a servant. Rather, Esther was a Queen, and she used her political, social and positional power to stand alone between the unrighteous decree of an unrighteous man and the wholesale genocidal slaughter of her people.

For Peri, we will seek to help her understand Esther's bravery first of all in her willingness to be used by God in her position of wealth and authority, for at the time that she lived, no other power would have swayed the hand of the Persian king who was her husband. However, in the process of her actions, Esther also exhibited an extreme measure of intelligence, gentleness and cunning in doing so to gain his favor and willingness to operate on the behalf of her people.

We believe that our daughter, like Esther, has been born "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14): to champion the cause of the Lost, the Broken and the Hurting in our world. Sometimes, as followers of Jesus, we must draw a physical line in the sand and charge like Tomoe Gozen into battle. Sometimes, like Mary, we must simply bow before God as His servants. But sometimes, God calls upon us to use every ounce of our wit, our resource and our favor on behalf of those who cannot help themselves. Esther was a Queen, a Stateswoman, and more than "just a pretty face", and because of her humility balanced with courage, God used her to spare the entire nation of Israel.

Samurai Woman: The Saint Named Theresa

Born Agnes Bojaxhiu of Albanian descent in 1910, the world simply better knew this amazing woman as "Mother Theresa". After founding the Missionaries of Charity in 1950, Mother Theresa spent the vast bulk of her life amidst the absolute most desolate and forgotten people on the planet in the streets and gutters of Calcutta, India. Even today in India (as i have the privilege of travelling there often) and around the world, Theresa is revered as one of the greatest humanitarians the world has ever known, and was awarded the Nobel Prize in 1979 for her work among the lost and the dying, including those suffering with HIV/AIDS. Whether in a very technically Roman Catholic sense, or just in the more reverentially generic framework, this woman was a "Saint", a person who drew others to faith and faithfulness because of her own indomitable passion to care for those most in need of it, and to use whatever influence and power she had as it grew on their behalf.

In Feudal Japan, Samurai were knights responsible for the care and maintenance of people under their title and their land. When the people suffered, it was up to the Samurai to champion their causes. When there was the threat of invasion, the Samurai were the ones who rallied to draw their blades and defend those who could not defend themselves. Only the Samurai were permitted to carry, use and learn to use arms, but it was always understood that such was a privilege intended not for the abuse of the people, but in service to them. For Peri, then, we have begun talking about how in whatever she does, she should take whatever her gifts and talents may be and use them not for her own benefit, but for the benefit of others in service to our Lord and Savior. To defend those who cannot defend themselves, to care for those who cannot care for themselves, to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves and to champion those who cannot advocate for themselves is the heart of what it means to be both Servant and Warrior.

Samurai Woman: The Servant Named Mary

Most Westerners are unaware of the fact that the word "Samurai" actually means "Servant", not "Warrior". To be sure, the people we call Samurai (who would have called themselves by the term "Bushi") were among the most sophisticated and efficient warriors on the planet from about 600 - 1700 AD. But even beyond the images of sword-drawing and armor-wearing, martial practice and battlefield effectiveness, Japanese knights have left their place in our collective psyches for their absolute commitment and dedication to their Feudal Lord. They regarded their lives first and foremost an extension of the one that they served and not belonging to themselves, and, as a result, were able to respond with unflinching courage and obedience to any task, even if it required their lives.

When i read the Gospels, i find early accounts of the Heart of a Samurai in the mother of Jesus, a young Jewish girl named Mary. According to Luke 1, Mary is told of the birth of the Messiah through her as follows:

"The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.” “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. - Luke 1:35-38

Most of us have heard extensively about what a massive atomic bomb this proclamation would have been to a young, unmarried Jewish girl in 1st century Palestine, but what i love about Mary's response is the absolute and unflinching Servant's Heart that beats within her breast. By modern standards, the notion of an enigmatic teen pregnancy kept under wraps would be, at least, a colossal inconvenience if not a total wrecking ball to their worlds and everyone in their families (trust me... we worked with abandoned pregnant teenagers for two years... i kind of know what i'm talking about), but to Mary, she simply responds with the heart of a Samurai... a Servant. "I am the Lord's servant," she says, "May your word to me be fulfilled."

Samurai Woman: The Warrior Named Tomoe Gozen

As we set up for Sunday, we have begun telling stories to Peri from a variety of contexts. Some of these are Biblical, some of these are from Japanese culture, some are from our own lives. I wanted to tell you one of the stories from Japanese culture for starters.

Perhaps the most legendary Bushi (i.e. "Samurai) Woman was Tomoe Gozen. I read Peri the story of Tomoe Gozen this morning as we have begun to set the stage for Sunday, and have been quick to point out the range of qualities that were expressed by someone who exhibited balanced skill with "both hands" through her life.

According to legend and as outlined by the Heike (a literary account of the famed Genpei War in the 12th Century), Tomoe was described as:

"...especially beautiful, with white skin, long hair, and charming features. She was also a remarkably strong archer, and, as a swordswoman she was a warrior worth a thousand, ready to confront a demon or a god, mounted or on foot. She handled unbroken horses with superb skill; she rode unscathed down perilous descents. Whenever a battle was imminent, Yoshinaka sent her out as his first captain, equipped with strong armor, an oversized sword, and a mighty bow; and she performed more deeds of valor than any of his other warriors."

Expressing both prowess on the battlefield as well as in court during her time as the wife of Wada Yoshimori, Tomoe Gozen distinguished herself in Japanese history and has even today consistently served as the subject of novels, movies and additional legends about the balanced skill of a Bushi woman who could not only hold her sword, but her place as the apex of refinement in her culture.

7 Year Rite of Passage: Peri Magruder

My daughter, Peri, turned 7 years old in January (Wow, she's growing up fast)! In our house, the 7th birthday is kind of a big deal. You see, after reading Robert Lewis' Raising a Modern Day Knight, we decided to try to mark our kids' growth and development at three critical birthdays: 7, 12, 18. This roughly parallels the pattern of European Medieval Knights (i.e. at 7, a boy was taken from his home to be a Paige, at 12, he became a Squire, and at 18, he became a Knight), and so we have adapted it for our own use as well. I'll be blogging, tweeting (you can follow #7yearsamurai on Twitter) and talking about this a lot over the next couple of days as we get ready with Peri, so wanted to outline why this is such a critical marker point in her life and how we're approaching its celebration.

Key Metaphors and Intentional Vision-casting – For each child, we select a “critical metaphor” for their journey toward adulthood in our family. For Elijah, we selected the Medieval European Knight for his metaphor, and so have referred constantly to a mixture of chivalric codes, stories, anecdotes, legends and training as we have given him a scaffolding for his faith, ethics, behavior and interaction in the world. We regularly analyze decisions, actions and expectations in terms of what is “knightly”, and have found it to be an effective method of parenting to give him a consistent picture of “what he’s shooting for” in terms of growing up. For his 7th birthday, we took him to Medieval Times in Chicago and spent the day behind the scenes with the "knights", learning about their training and having them walk us through the parallels between what they do "for fun" and what a real knight in Medieval Spain would have been expected to do as a normal part of his everyday life.

Peri's Metaphor: The Bushi Class Woman - Interestingly, the Medieval Knight is not a good metaphor for Peri, however. This is primarily because in most instances (read Barbara Tuchman’s A Distant Mirror), Medieval women were not expected to engage in knightly activities, were often put on pedestals where rather misogynistic and chauvinistic ideals trumped their individuality, and relegated them solely to activities such as needlework, food preparation and childbirth rather than the active championing of their culture’s best ideals. This will never do for our daughter, who already possesses an intensity and strength that warrants something “stronger” in terms of the vision we want to set for her. As the Japanese concept of the Bushi (i.e. "Samurai class") included both men and women, however, it fits perfectly. I have read Stephen Turnbull’s (see Samurai Women:1184-1877) accounts of how in the absence of their husbands, Bushi women not only embodied the softest, most refined and gentile qualities of their culture, but if you attempted to maraud their villages when their men were absent, they were quite skilled in drawing the Naginata from the lentils of their doors and cutting down the invaders with ruthless efficiency and skill.

"A Woman of Both Hands" - As a result of the above, we have begun to craft a core metaphor for Peri that incorporates the Bushi ideals for women into what we are calling “A Woman of Both Hands”. On the one hand (the metaphorical Right Hand), Bushi women were supposed to embody the apex of beauty, humility, decorum, politeness and elegance. However, more than any other culture we could find (with the exception of Southern Ukraine where the real life Amazon Warriors lived, or Northern Iberian Celts who trained their women to be as bloodthirsty as their men), Bushi women could also use the “other hand” (i.e. the metaphorical Left Hand), and were capable of a martial prowess that seems to be largely unrivaled anywhere else in the world, and to do so with unflinching courage, strength and efficiency. The trick, then, is not only to equip our daughter with the ability to “use both hands”, but to know which instance is appropriate for which. We have already begun to use this language with her in instruction.

Sunday, April 3rd - On Sunday, April 3rd, we will again journey to Chicago to spend the day with our friends at the Japanese Cultural Center near downtown. They have been exceptionally accommodating, and we have made some fun friends in the process of designing Peri's special day. To cement the metaphor of the Bushi class woman, Peri will have the privilege of spending the day with several masters in various Japanese arts across both Right and Left Hands. To start, she'll spend some time with a first generation Japanese lady who will explain to her both some Cultural Basics (appropriate bowing, standing, walking, eye contact, etc) as well as the rudiments of Japanese language and writing (Kanji). After that, she will learn about the traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony and how it is performed from a Tea Master. Then, after lunch, she will spend time with two Japanese sword-arts (Iado and Kenjutsu), and finish the day with some unarmed Budo (primarily Jujutsu). We will finish off the day with dinner at Big Bowl, an Asian restaurant downtown where Sami and I fell in love when we were students at Moody Bible Institute.

I hope you'll join us here on the blog and through Tweets as we map out the day!